


my babies you'll be

by milfbyers



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Good Parent Joyce Byers, Sad Joyce Byers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:20:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25394506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milfbyers/pseuds/milfbyers
Summary: the letter that joyce byers wrote to her sons that she never gave them and they never read.
Relationships: Joyce Byers/Lonnie Byers
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	my babies you'll be

dear jonathan and will,

first off, i hope you never read this. i hope you two aren’t snooping around the house trying to figure out where i stashed your christmas gifts and you find this letter. if you are, please put it down. go back to looking for your christmas gifts. i’m sure you’ll find them, will. you always do.

my sweet boys. i will never stop loving you. i have loved you since you started growing inside my belly. even if it was scary. i was so young. i hadn’t even married your father yet… but when i felt your little kicks, i knew you were worth it. you two have always been worth it.

i am so sorry life dealt us these cards. i am so sorry that you got stuck with me as your mother. i’m sure you can tell but i am terrified that i fail both of you every day. because i can’t soothe every worry or chase away every nightmare. i get too lost in my head and i can’t seem to find my way out in time to stop the monsters from getting you, too. my baggage is not your weight to carry. i recognize that, i know better than that. i work too many hours and i can barely feed both of you. i can’t even get you the toys you want that you both put at the top of your christmas list. and if i do, i don’t eat for a week to cover it. and i should be better. i should’ve finished college. i want to make you both proud. i need to make you both proud.

jonathan, i am so sorry. i am so sorry for the burden i have put on your shoulders. you shouldn’t have to do this. ever. and, yet, here we are. i know you can hear me cry at night, i know i should be more quiet. i will be more quiet. i’m sorry i wasn’t more careful and that i had you so young. i’m so sorry you had to grow up too fast, sweetheart. i am ashamed that my first baby became my first adult before he hit the age of 13. but it has been the greatest pleasure watching you grow into the young man that you are. i know i did something right when i look at you. when i see you smile, i see how bright your future is going to be. NYU is going to be so lucky to have you. i will find the money for that school. if it’s the last thing i do, i will send you to that damn college. i am so, so proud. you have grown into the exact opposite of your father and i couldn’t be more proud of you. i love you more than you will ever know.

will, i wish every day i could make you a baby again. i wish i could put you back inside me so i know that you are safe and protected. i know that is the last thing you want. you hate when i check on you. i can hear it in your voice. i’m sorry, baby. i’m so sorry you are so hurt. and it’s a hurt i can never, ever fix. but i will try until my last day. i can’t even count how many empty promises i’ve made to you and you’ve believed every last one. i’m sorry i’ve disappointed you. i’m so sorry. sweetheart, you make me so proud. in all the right ways, you are still that little boy who wants to play that board game (D&D?) with your friends. maybe one day, i’ll learn to play with you or you can teach me. and i’ll understand you just a little bit better. but be patient with me, your mother is getting old!

i’m sorry for who your father is. i should’ve realized… there were so many warning signs. nothing i did was ever good enough for him. i was never kind enough or skinny enough or simply enough at all for him. i was ‘crazy’ and ‘a bitch’ or that i was ‘sick’. i can still hear him saying that to me now. i know i will always remember it. i’m sorry you had to hear us fighting. i know those words will stick with both of you boys forever. i will carry that guilt for the rest of my life. but, he gave me the best, most amazing gifts in the world. i would marry him ten times over again if that meant i got you two every single time.

my boys, thank you. thank you for letting me be your mother. for letting me wipe every tear and for letting me hold you when the nightmares were too much (even if you tried to say you were too old). thank you for making me laugh on the darkest days and for keeping the monsters away during my brightest ones. i will be in debt to both of you forever. i promise i will spend every day trying to pay it off.

you will always be my babies… even when nancy is around, jonathan. or when you fall in love, too, will. but the people you love will be accepted with open arms. i can keep that promise.

i will love you forever,

mom

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to elizabeth (@sunflowerwinona on twitter) for reading every paragraph i rewrote and to kim (@murraybaumanpi on twitter) for crying over it bc it really boosted my ego!  
> thank you for reading! you can find me at milfbyers on twitter and milf-byers on tumblr! <3


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